We had been everywhere. We had really seen nothing.

I've come to the realization that I idealize everything in my mind. I consume my brain with thoughts about nothing but glorious events that I have in great detail planned out but no real intention of seeing through. This is just another form of procrastination but it's kept me company so far. I thoroughly love seeing people succeed. I relish other people's successes and accept their failures as my own. My motives have been sincere and my love for mankind gets rejuvinated daily. I'll keep track of all the misfortunes swallow you whole and all the prosperity you are granted in the years to come. It's quite honestly a scrapbook of the mind. I don't add any real concrete facts, I just photocopy days that turn into months onto the pages. More people should keep track of their intentions. I'd hate to see your light at the end of the tunnel dim before you even open your eyes...

On a completely unrelated basis ...
Note to self, rent the following movies:

Lolita
Party girl
Igby goes down
Manhattan

All of the time you thought I was sad, I was just trying to remember your name.

I'm currently under the spell of the song "Your ex lover is dead" by Stars. It's funny because an old rerun of degrassi was playing on my tv but I was multitasking all sorts of things at once so I wasn't really watching it and all of a sudden this song started playing and it made me stop dead in my tracks. I just sat there staring at the tv screen soaking up all of the lyrics and allowing the melody to lull me to sleep. It didn't actually put me to sleep but the song was so pretty it could almost pass for a lullaby for the 20th century. I updated my ipod which was oddly enough extremely theraputic. I hadn't updated it since a year and a half ago because the screen is so cracked you can't see what is playing and I didn't see the point. It still works though and tonight I added tons of new material that I have been listening to. The stuff that was on there brought back memories of crushes, an ex boyfriend, a dead friendship, a funeral, and just being young and naive in general. I went on b&n website earlier and put a copy of Black kid's album 'Party Traumatic' on hold. Probably my favorite band currently. I have exams tomorrow and I will get murdered by the world of trigonometry. Sweet dreams are made of these...........

We have to create the fireworks for our veins to feel alive.

I think somewhere along the mystical path to our love lives we all managed to mangle and contort or rather misinterpret the true meaning behind boys and the silly games they play. Allow them to play field hockey with your heart, tackle your bones, and suckerpunch your vital organs. It's a harsh game of who can hurt the other without caving in. In society today games are almost always frowned upon, "what good comes from this" the critics cry. The bottom line is walls must be built and we have to test the waters to see if the love in question is worth the 50 foot drop to nowheresville, USA. There are intentions, maybe not the best ones but they are there if you use your magnifying glass. Games make the whole falling in love craze seem much more appealing. Let's just call it foreplay that is a prelude to an eventual dull honeymoon phase. Girls should counteract and exude some balance in the equation. You are in the drivers seat of your emotions. Allow yourself to play along. I say bring on the games, bring on the hurt, bring on anything that makes me feel this alive. I beg of you sir.

And to further prove my point. Even my immortal soulmate Andy Warhol agreed with me by saying:
"Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attructions are between the opposites that never meet."

For God's sake let me love, and hold your tounge.

My soul was awakened in Austin, Texas. I miss everything about that damn city already. I'm doing my research paper right now and I am feeling suddenly alive and inspired. I am reading different criticisms of John Donne's work and I stumbeled across this

"He is telling their souls goodmorning, which shows how this is a start or a beginning. He compares his new love an emergence of his soul, and while sea discoverers have gone to new worlds, they only need each other."

I wish I could blissfully write something like that merely on experience alone. Alas, maybe I won't ever be a well rounded writer.