I'm in this weird blurred out state of my life and it's really bizarre to say the absolute least. I feel abused and suffocated, tired and helpless. All of these crazy life moments are coming at me at top speed and I just can't manage to get out of the way. Everything's moving around me and I just there, stagnant and unaware. I don't get the life punchlines untl the jokes already been distributed. I don't make sense when I'm on my period and I've had a shit ton of coffee. I text all the wrong guys when I'm 3 drinks in. In my hazy, intoxicated brain I think that they want to hear from me. I get responses that say just the opposite. Yet I keep this cycle going because it makes me feel a little bit wanted. I can't keep my room clean for longer than an entire episode of Gossip Girl and the water bottles seem to have found a resting place in every corner of my space. I'm an out right mess and I still keep on keeping on. I haven't been on my meds for a good 2 weeks. Y'all have made me feel more alive than I have in months and it's made me forget about feeling sorry for myself. I keep seeing your name everywhere, that's another bad one. It's haunting my soul, hurting my entire body. I don't want to see your name pop up on my phone. I don't want to be your convenient friend. It's too much. It's far too soon.
It's a dagger.
