Oh now i've really gone and done it.

Allow me to paraphrase a bit here.. I've committed such a foul, disorderly, improper crime. Now coming out of my fuck up mouth this is breaking news. Oh i'll just come out with it then. I've taken a real, slightly instense dream I had 2 months ago and somehow spun it's wheels into fruition. A dream about a scruffy faced, fiercly cocky, adolescent kid (freshly 18 so it's legal thank god) and myself. Basically a wet dream or whatever but that term makes me want to vomit into a million dumpsters. I'll hust coin a new phrase here and call it a "intense lapse of one's sexual sanity." Not really a phrase so I guess I really won't be coining shit. Okay so this fella and I work at the same fine ding pizza establishment (not fine dining at all) ; he works in the kitchen and I waitress up front. Lately we've been working the same schedules and it's added innocent, almost tween like flirtation to my overwhelmingly dull pit stain of a life. We banter back and forth throughout the course of each work day and it's just something fun to toy around with while i'm doing bitch work like folding boxes, bringing dirty dishes to the kitchen, or getting my 100th bucket of ice. He got my number the other night and we sort of made plans to hang out in the near future. What? Hello am I a 20 year old woman who wants to "get" with an 18 year old before he leaves for college in 2 months? That is yet to be determined but I just think I have so much work to do on myself and more importantly my soul that I don't have time to take a brief trip down highschool lane. I've come too far. Or maybe not far enough. Alas I am keen on making myself my top priority ajd fuck all the haters who snub their noses at that.

There I am in love with a pre-teen when ...............

Fades into a girl in present day staring at a blank computer screen. She clicks the mouse furiously as she downs her 2nd red bull. She bangs her head on the keyboard and lies there limp for a few seconds before walking out her back door.

She lights a cigarette and inhales anxiously into the mildew louisiana air. Her cell phone is apparently working the graveyard shift because the action has been seriously diluted. "What are people doing shit at 3 am? They should be! Wake up fuckers you're life is ticking away and will not consult with you first!"

She thinks these thougths and as soon as they unload new ones sweep in and steal their thunder. "We are all responsible for how shitty of a person we become. It's not fair to hold hostages for our surmountable fuck ups. If you fuck up own it. Don't shy away from it. Because then not only have you learned a fucking thing or two but you instantly became human and relatable. Never forget to stay human for longer than just a little bit."

"When life demands more of people than they demand of life - as is ordinarilly the case - what results is a resentment of life almost as deep seated as the fear of death." - Tom Robbins