Spur of the moment.

Bigger, brighter, faster, stronger. I have a talent, that is I can stand on my own two feet. What's yours? I am itching for summer to smother me with it's warm, lingering embrace. Indpendence is a way of life if you want it to be. QLTY NOT QTY.

It pains me to type this.

Oh how I know you are e-a-t-i-n-g all of this up, the tables have turned and you carefully distributed their position. Flashback a year ago and you were the one lacking a backbone. I forget your existence sometimes, I almost convince myself you were a prolonged daydream that ended unfinished. I am not ashamed to applaud you for being stronger than I remembered. All of this time apart has done you justice. My soul shakes with emphasis around the stomach area. I am setting myself up for the biggest upset in little league history, I haven't made it to the big leagues yet, delegate me some spare time. Why is it that whenever I am in your presence I feel lost and flabbergasted. You'd think little old cyinicical me would've gained an ounce of knowledge from this experience. I caved and called you out, I made the first move, I can't seem to let the one good thing that happened to me go. I might not like you, maybe the idea of some one with your stature just seems to fit right now. I can't distinguish between the two. I might call you up soon, I need closure or whatever it's called.

Thanks for the kindness you bestowed on me this weekend. It was a great suprise seeing you again. I know my tongue couldn't spit out a single syllable your direction but put the blame on my brain, it couldn't string together anything witty enough.

On a less painful note, Caitlin and I experienced the most insane, chaotic, extreme, instense event this weekend. Clarity was blew my direction like a hurricane in the gulf. I love you Kimberley, you make sense of all the baggage I don't have enough cargo space for. Oh and andru, I've grown to love and cherish all of your quirky traits, you are truly a one of a fucking kind original human being. I cannot wait to visit you in orlando come summer.

This blog is freakishly long and for good reason, happy mother's day! I bought the Cab's new CD and it is poppy and delightful. I am determined to get very aquainted with all the bands playing on may 22nd, which will be the most amazing concert ever held. FTSK'S new CD 'underdog alma mater' is superb as well, hoorah!

tried to make you miss me but you wouldn't oblige
so I said, "get out
yeah, get the fuck out"
the whiskey on my breath started to fall from my eyes
just like a rain cloud
yeah, I'm a dark cloud
I never really ever meant to be
presenting myself so desperately
it's not the first time
and I should know better
if I thought it'd make you stay
I would chop off both your legs
but knowing you you'd find a way to keep on leaving
well don't leave cause all I want is you to just pretend to feel it
or I guess I don't

Read between the thick lines.

Everything is strategic and intetional. It's all mapped out in the back of my cerebellum. My eyelids flutter in anticipation as if waiting for their curtain call. I insert my two cents, but not into conversation. My head is perfectly balanced onto my knuckles, it's all planned. Sometimes I wish more people would notice this. I can't whistle because my tongue and my braces don't get along. I won't sacrifice these habits in exchange for healthier ones, it's too expected.

"You should really make your bed, it sets the tone for the day."

"How do you know what kind of tone I want to set." Smart people was deliciously intuitive and innovative. I loved all the on location shots and the unglmaorized cars/actors. It was great to see a movie that wasn't trying to be something it's not. Of course I am also partial to any work of Ellen Page. The movie tied together very nicely and I'll be sure to add it to my collection soon enough. On another note, my dad has been really adament about moving to Atlanta, GA. I say go for it, i'll be in college when they move anyway. Yet, he assures me if the move becomes official it will be far sooner than that. I've always welcomed a change of scenery but I don't think Atlanta would be what I've longed for. New york city and I'd be far more open to the idea. He claims there are just no more job oppritunitys in the area anymore. All I keep thinking of is the ticking clock in my head cueing me to put in my two weeks notice. Debbie's last day was yesterday and that was the final factor urging me to do so. Everyone around me has become so dependent on everyone else. I feel much like a fish out of water. I really don't think I'm the jealous type anymore. Nothing fazes me. Bought me and you and everyone we know thursday, watched it last night!

"I've long stopped since making people do things they do not want to do."
Aur voir!

If I only had a heart.

Kimya dawson you know me so well...

friendships would grow then i'd hit the road
making up excuses for why i had to leave
always been too scared and unprepared
to let anybody get too close to me

As oprah puts it I had an aha! moment today.

Nervous energy is selfish really. By simply being nervous you are asking for all attention to be aimed your direction. Think about it.

Current obsession for spring:


Heels and socks!

"We have a whole life to live together you fucker, but it can't start until you call."

New york style cheesecake was a fair trade to attending my junior prom. Despite everyone else's views I still think it'll be cool to one day look back and say "Yeah, I didn't attend my prom." You'll see how right I am someday, well maybe you won't because I'm betting you, who ever you are went to your prom. So like I said I had some cheesecake, family crawfish boil, and watched Me you and everyone we know all the way through. Miranda July is in short a genius and I want to go to Barnes and noble and buy her book "No one belongs here more than you." We are all lonely souls, our bones are quivering for warmth. I'm starting to question the word soul mate and my cyinicism becomes more epic everyday. I'm surrounded by "souls" yearning for a mate but they seem nowhere to be found. Earlier today I was tempted to scrub my kitchen floors with a toothbrush, only because it seemed fun in movies. I still wish my life had a soundtrack that followed me around. Different songs would cue for different moods, etc. Oh no, I really am growing odder everday. I don't want to get married, ever. Why is everyone so boring and why can't I accept that? No one says "cheers" and clinks glasses anymore. Society is straying from it's quirky concepts. What was the fucking purpose of this entry. I need a vacation.. Hey, remind me to take out the f bombs before I inform my mom about my blog. (One day I just might.)

I'll keep singing this lie if you keep believing it..

April fool's day is like a lying girl's christmas, you get to unwrap one lie after the other and not give it a second thought. I don't condone lying, I've just grown accustomed to concealing true idenitys. It's nothing to brag about really it's just that natalie portman makes it look so fun in garden state. I lie about stupid shit and then a mere two seconds later i'll admit i made it up. No harm every really comes with it, well not yet at least. *Knocks on wood*. I've seemd to have gotten myself into a bit of a pickle, I guess I never really took my mother's advice when she told me "There are times when keeping a secret is essential to having close relationships with people." Okay so my mother isn't really that insightful, well let me cut her some slack and say we never really have deep mother-daughter conversations that result in advice. My mouth is like a floodgate and once it's triggered things come pouring out into the victim's ears. I try and stop myself but it seems to be at the point of no return. I'm working on this, please entrust in that much. I know you given me 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and fifth chances but who is keeping score really? I've come to realize I'm not as good of a friend as I initally thought. Throw me a line, I'm changing my ways. I hope you know this post wasn't a joke and prior to popular thought I'm actually being honest. I'm actually admitting my faults instead of jolting in the other direction. I hope you read this and understand a little bit better. Ps sorry my last post sucked ;/