"I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member."

Gathering up wingspan and getting into the disney spirit. Tomorrow at 5PM I will be Mouse house bound finally! I cannot wait to head to the airport, I eat up all the concentrated passerbys. Airports are so exciting. Airplanes are too but they make a girl who has a hole in her eardrum wish she were never born. I credit this is as the last weigand family hoorah! The last sense of togetherness as preteens, as kids. Come next summer i'll be leaving the nest and venturing off into the real world. I think i'm ready to conquer my fears and become a full blown travelista, fashionista or whatever. I can feel my heartbeat exploding through my retinas and penetrating eagerly down my spinalcord. I watched Annie Hall for the first time last night, made me fall even more head over heels in love with woody allen. He is hands down the most quotable comedian to date. Not to mention Diane keaton was superb in her role as annie. It has easily become one of my all time favorite movies.

You've got nothing to lose but a visa card, happy meal, and Kotex with wings.

It's been well over a month since i've updated last. Lots has been going on, well at least i'd say so. I had a liplock and gridlock within a week span of one another. It's funny how karma can come in the form of a 19 year old boy with a lip ring. I'm a big girl, I can accept backlash. I've grown up a hell of a lot since our final tango. You had the final say but the curtain call was a weaved web full of intricate emotions and puzzeling mind games. For what it's worth i'm still more naive than when you left. Literally spot checking myself and making sure the boundry lines are still set in my periphial vision. Sick of being a pawn in a "man's" world. I keep spontaneously inviting complete strangers into my life, getting caught up in the brief moment, and getting pushed right back to start. It's easy to deny emotions, it's conquering them and dealing with your demons that's the brutal part. The dark has been comforting. I've been doing lots of damage control, for the places I need most. I'm reading 'White oleander', I heard the book was better than the movie, that will be very hard to top but we'll see. Already got a whole scroll length of pages highlited. I'm in a windowsill, baking motives. We play chess with our hearts, we gamble our souls, and ultimately we sell what's left of ourselves for a mere stint of so-called ecstasy.

"You look like you ran into a wall, a very hot wall."

Wednesday afternoon Maddie picked me up and we headed to the harahan firepark. Finally talked to Miranda, it seemed our friendship was on hiatus for quite some time now. Miranda met up with us at the park and we got to see her new blue camry, which is very much like her personality spunky and cute. It was a real homecoming of sorts, I missed her dearly. We then picked up some clothes and huddeled in Miranda's car to head over to her new house on little farms ave. It is the quaintest/lush house. It's 6 bedrooms, 3 baths and it is the perfect home to fit her whole family. Finally saw Mrs. Donielle and we chatted about old times etc. We got dressed up to go see sex and the city movie, after that around 11:30ish we witnessed a DUI in the making as we were walking into dot's dinner seeing a real live arrest go down. We played a few tunes on the jukebox and had rounds of coffee. We then slept at maddie's house. It was such a night full of laughs and such. As for today I got my hair done in a 3 hour process. About 4 inches or so of my length is chopped off merely because it was lifeless hair dangling and hanging on for dear life. I also got fringe bangs and a bright red color. I have to go back to get the rest completed but I'm growing to like it, not all that bad.

Salutations if you are into that sort of thing.

It seems summer has plagued me with nothing but a severe case of insomnia. This insomnia has taken on a life of it's very own and entitled me to nothing but deep reflection with a side of paranoia for the inevitable future. I can't stray from these overruling bad habits of mine either. I was hoping this would be a changing summer for me or at least a summer full of excitement and treasured memories. Yet once again it's done nothing of the sort. No I haven't even got the raise from work which I was promised months ago. I may be stuck in a rut but I'm sure I am the one to blame for it. I need a burst of inspiration, a joult in the right direction. I haven't managed to get my overdue driver's lisence or my artifical red hair back. The pity party has been started by none other than little old me. "Happiness is like a butterfly, which when persued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." - Nathanial Hawthorne.

Thank you grandmother.

Memory lane is a dead end street, my dear friend.

Memory lane is an ever present street intricately programed into the skulls of individuals once they become old enough to pay it visits. Friday I lugged my way down this narrow dead end street to visit friends who never lose their swagger. Maddie picked me up around 6o'clock sharp, I know this exact time because E! news was about to come on. She was able to score her grandmaw's car for the weekend so this played out perfectly. Together Maddie and I drove around, aimlessly in an effort to waste excess time. We arrived at harahan park and talked about our hopes and dreams and everything in between. Our topic of conversation lately has been revolving around Sex and the city episodes that we share our opinions on. I love 90s throw back. We compare ourselves to the characters and try to find any ounce of likeness in each comprimising situation that the show presents. It's nice, I think memory lane will appreciate that memory for light years to come. Avery arrived in her usual glowing livlihood. She was dressed very down in over sized sweats and a shirt that could fit another corspe in it. She never dressed to impress, while it was one of the things I disliked about her it also conveyed the most powering messsage of all, "I don't meander through life to impress you, you, or any of you." Well that's what I picked up anyway, I quoted it because it seems like that was her point. Maybe I'm just delusional. We hadn't seen each other in quite some time but once again memory lane worked it's magic and altered together lumpsomes of past events into conversation. We went to Kyto 2 and grabbed some sushi, instantaneously past meals we all shared together there clammered my brain. We attempted to take our talk to the levee but the misquotos were just not having it. Instead we opted to sit in front of Meghan's old house on walter road. Half joking/half kidding Maddie called Meghan and asked her permission. The house is deserted now, but the old pool parties, movie nights, arguements, etc remained in tact. Meghan was in destrehan with her boyfriend so she was unable to make it, I don't know if I would've been able to keep my voice from cracking or my eyes from giving birth to individual tears had she been there. It would seem that much more real. I still feel Mr. Kenny's presence whenever I talk to her, I can feel him giving his two cents into conversation, or laughing when Mrs. Gina would try and cook an unburnt meal, or when him and paw paw would gather in the living room, engaging in a screaming match agaisnt the television that displayed his coveted fight nights. I know he's the kind of angel that never sways. I know he'd be so proud of her and the young woman she is becoming. I do wish I saw Meghan more but it's the way the cards have been dealt. We all gathered around in a continuous circle, crouching as if we planned to do this in unison. Destin vacation was what we all loved to talk about most. It was the most ideal trip, 4 best friends sweating in the back of a truck. It was sisterhood of the traveling pants style. We walked onto her old porch, chalk filled I love you's to various boys were scrawled all over the wood panneling. That house was an invisible glue that managed to bring all of our different personalitys and traits together. I spent years in that house, living life and sharing my trials and tribulations with the Laizer family. No matter what the house's fate ultimately becomes we will always have our dear friend Memory lane to thank for remembering it all today. The night ended with watching The virgin suicides, which was hauntingly mesmerizing, Sophia copola managed to capture the essence of the girl's emotions. It was filmed beautifully and the story line was superb. I really loved it, and all the records played through out. I'm going to buy a record player now!

We can't make some one our soul mate, If we could it would have nothing to do with our souls.

Destin family vacation 2008 was a 5 day, 4 night romp spent in a very luxurious and quaint village type condo. All family members were in attendence for once. As if on cue the night before the 7 some odd car ride I got a visit from "aunt flo." On our first day of arrival I attempted to successfully unveil the art of the tampon. After hours of trial and error, error ultimately won out and I was forced to wear a pad on the sandy beaches of Florida. Day two and I was looking very much forward to capturing a sunkissed glow that Mary seems to embody all year long, even during Louisiana's winter nights. I laid out by the pool and lathered on sunscreen as if it were a cure all. After a couple hours lounging by the pool I started feeling burnt and crisp all over, much like a burnt piece of toast would. We headed back to our condo and much to my suprise (well no suprise really) I was burnt from head to toe. We then headed to the beach and I was miserable but sticking it out in an effort to soak up as much family bonding time as possible. The night was topped off by watching Juno and making smore's. Next day, the fernandez's arrived to the villa, (8 girls, 3 adults total), we were our own extended partridge family. There was plenty of seperation brewing between the girls mostly in part of Mr. Ricky's daughters unfailing obsession with meeting every walking, talking, boy in the area. I wish I could say meredith was unfazed by all the commotion but even she gave in and dressed like their clone, fully clad in HCO clothes and pounds of unescessary eye makeup. I really cannot stand when my younger sister's succomb to the expectations of other's especially because I see their full potentional on a daily basis and it's the most beautiful and lovely glimpse you will ever see. I want Murphy to stay queen of the tomboy's as long as possible, she is only 10 for christ's sake, boys should still be contracting cooties or something. I'm 17 and I still haven't even begun to master the art of dating. As we finished up a fine dining experience in the village on our last night there, both the Weigand clan and the fernandez bunch strolled the pier for more conversation. Mary and I were walking with the youngest fernandez, Emily (11), where she was sharing with us all of her sister's dating blunders, (mind you they are ages 14, 13, and 12). My mind was racing, how has our generation put such an emphasis on finding a companion that it's managed to target pre-teens. Where are the good ole days of young girls pretending to be nancy drew, collecting goose bump books (ahem, yours truely), or in today's modern world wishing to be just like Miley cyrus, (and not because she just may be a bit sluttier in real life). Why have girls such as natalie, claire, and the rest of their clan got my sister Meredith to second guess her unique qualities and replace them with society's expected ones. Are girls today no longer striving to maintain dignity, morals, and respect? Or are they instead opting to sacrifice these things in order to attract a member of the opposite sex. Maybe I'm just not understanding how girl's can give their indpendence a backseat and allow boys to command the driver's seat. Luckily for both my parent's, clothes and the world of fashion have commanded much more of my attention than any measly boy could or maybe ever will.

Caution: this entry will dissapoint.

Howdy patna!
Thursday I went to the ftsk, metrostation, the cab, danger radio, and maine concert at the house of blues. It went off without a hitch. Danger radio sucks, the cab were great, the maine were greater, metro station were good live, sucked as human beings and ftsk were by far the best. Not much else to say on that subject I mean john oh really is more stunning in person and johnathan from ftsk is ghetto and adorable.

I am fully aware that this post makes me sound like a wanna be 11 year old groupie. Well it has always been a dream of mine..

An ode to the cheesecake within us all.

Cheesecake is a cure all for me. Went to the big library today after school checked out a book for my art exam essay and also this fine beauty:



So excited to start reading it, I've been into quirky collective essays compiled into solid book form lately. I've also been really interested in finding out as much as I can about each author before I begin reading, I call this the 'pick the brain' stage. The dominating reason I wrote this entry is because I love this single line of lyrics in a song by mansions called curaco blue. I've been listening to all songs by him on repeat, so inspiring and brutually true to fact.

"I understand exactly why I fell: I didn't really want you or myself."

The applied interpretation semi- speaks for itself, or else get a clue.

One exerpt from 'I was told there'd be cake' that I read so far was - "The real proof that I have tried to love and that people have tried to love me back is never going to fit in a kitchen drawer."

(With that I can tell this is going to be a miranda julyesque good read!)

CHEERS!