We had been everywhere. We had really seen nothing.

I've come to the realization that I idealize everything in my mind. I consume my brain with thoughts about nothing but glorious events that I have in great detail planned out but no real intention of seeing through. This is just another form of procrastination but it's kept me company so far. I thoroughly love seeing people succeed. I relish other people's successes and accept their failures as my own. My motives have been sincere and my love for mankind gets rejuvinated daily. I'll keep track of all the misfortunes swallow you whole and all the prosperity you are granted in the years to come. It's quite honestly a scrapbook of the mind. I don't add any real concrete facts, I just photocopy days that turn into months onto the pages. More people should keep track of their intentions. I'd hate to see your light at the end of the tunnel dim before you even open your eyes...

On a completely unrelated basis ...
Note to self, rent the following movies:

Lolita
Party girl
Igby goes down
Manhattan

All of the time you thought I was sad, I was just trying to remember your name.

I'm currently under the spell of the song "Your ex lover is dead" by Stars. It's funny because an old rerun of degrassi was playing on my tv but I was multitasking all sorts of things at once so I wasn't really watching it and all of a sudden this song started playing and it made me stop dead in my tracks. I just sat there staring at the tv screen soaking up all of the lyrics and allowing the melody to lull me to sleep. It didn't actually put me to sleep but the song was so pretty it could almost pass for a lullaby for the 20th century. I updated my ipod which was oddly enough extremely theraputic. I hadn't updated it since a year and a half ago because the screen is so cracked you can't see what is playing and I didn't see the point. It still works though and tonight I added tons of new material that I have been listening to. The stuff that was on there brought back memories of crushes, an ex boyfriend, a dead friendship, a funeral, and just being young and naive in general. I went on b&n website earlier and put a copy of Black kid's album 'Party Traumatic' on hold. Probably my favorite band currently. I have exams tomorrow and I will get murdered by the world of trigonometry. Sweet dreams are made of these...........

We have to create the fireworks for our veins to feel alive.

I think somewhere along the mystical path to our love lives we all managed to mangle and contort or rather misinterpret the true meaning behind boys and the silly games they play. Allow them to play field hockey with your heart, tackle your bones, and suckerpunch your vital organs. It's a harsh game of who can hurt the other without caving in. In society today games are almost always frowned upon, "what good comes from this" the critics cry. The bottom line is walls must be built and we have to test the waters to see if the love in question is worth the 50 foot drop to nowheresville, USA. There are intentions, maybe not the best ones but they are there if you use your magnifying glass. Games make the whole falling in love craze seem much more appealing. Let's just call it foreplay that is a prelude to an eventual dull honeymoon phase. Girls should counteract and exude some balance in the equation. You are in the drivers seat of your emotions. Allow yourself to play along. I say bring on the games, bring on the hurt, bring on anything that makes me feel this alive. I beg of you sir.

And to further prove my point. Even my immortal soulmate Andy Warhol agreed with me by saying:
"Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attructions are between the opposites that never meet."

For God's sake let me love, and hold your tounge.

My soul was awakened in Austin, Texas. I miss everything about that damn city already. I'm doing my research paper right now and I am feeling suddenly alive and inspired. I am reading different criticisms of John Donne's work and I stumbeled across this

"He is telling their souls goodmorning, which shows how this is a start or a beginning. He compares his new love an emergence of his soul, and while sea discoverers have gone to new worlds, they only need each other."

I wish I could blissfully write something like that merely on experience alone. Alas, maybe I won't ever be a well rounded writer.

Musical enlightment of some sort.

I don't usually blog about my music tastes or which albums i'm currently listening to because well frankly my music taste has been unturned since summer. I listen to the same albums on repeat and I can't tear myself away from them.

In no specific order they are:
1. You me and everyone we know - Party for the grown and sexy
2. The maine - Can't stop, Won't stop
3. FTSK- Underdog alma mater
4. THE FORMAT, BOTH ALBUMS

Of course new bands have made appearences in my life but these three albums have stuck with me undoubtfully enough, shit spell check that for me. I also currently really like Bishop Allen, who I became farmiliar with after seeing nick and norah's infinite playlist and looking up the soundtrack listing online. I also get chills listening to Rachael Yamagata; 30h!3's album is really catchy and i'll listen to it if I feel pissed off or liberated or both.

The real reason I'm writing this entry is because I found out that You me and everyone we know is finally holding up on a promise to come back to new orleans and play at the highground. The last time they were scheduled to do so they cancelled because of the harsh weather conditions and I went to the HOB anyway.

I just went on their website to confirm the news in my head and check their calender of events and I was suprised to see that they have 6 new tracks and a new CD coming out fairly soon. Their new stuff is ingenious and I'm convinced they have not come out with one bad song. The song that has really stuck out to me is the first track entitled, "I can get back up now". The lyrics fit my molding life to a tee and signifies the death of a friendship.

I'm really happy about their new tracks and I just needed to blog out my happiness.

If this is love........I'll take spaghetti.

Most ingenous book title I've heard.....ever. Thank you caitlin for remembering it for me!

I owe my soul to those who haven't lingered or lost touch. You mean more to me than I could ever express in a measly blog. I won't ever forget your faces, your words, or your inspirational pep talks. My backbone is acquiring layers and straightening up a great deal. I don't need your insistent party girl persona or your ever changing mood swings, I have enough of my own thank you very much. Loyalty will never be a question, more so the consitant variable that will never sway. It's safe to say the standstill I've reached has made me give up on reviving any ounce of sympathy out of you. I know you are the type of person who can weave people out of her life without any hesitation. That is the one thing I always admired about you. I wish you weren't a follower of the seasons and I wish you had remorse in your tone of voice. I do not wish to rewind time and change a damn thing. I am stronger than these bones confess and I am wiser than your valley girl crew. Who knew losing friends could be a cure all. Cheers to moving three steps forward and zero steps back. See you when I see you.

Flickering and glimmering, an ounce of compassion.

Oh faithful October, thank you for a brief introduction to winter and it's blanket of breezy winds. My knees are applauding in appreciation. More from me tomorrow but for now:

I think I was ginger spice in another life. I bought Spice world from goodwill today. Sequins, body suits, neon red hair, girl power attitude. It seems only fitting?

How much is an apology really worth?

Nickels, dimes, quarters, dollar bills? Is there really a price to pay for the words 'I'm sorry'? Picking apart constellations and seeing your faces in every one. The night sky hasn't been to forgiving. Managed to take more than a few wrong turns along the way to self discovery, or well self realization. I know i've managed to let you down on numerous occasions but please don't count me out just yet. My judgement has been impaired and mistaken. It may seem almost comical but I only want to make you all proud. Sticks and stones may break bones but your looks alone are enough to set the pit of my stomach on fire. My veins are grasping for your approval. Sideways glances and backhanded compliments are going out of style faster than you can say damage control. We wrote the book on finding lucky pennies in midst of a crisis, is there any ounce luck left to spare? I'm trying to find my lost soul in a series of unfortunate events. Yes my dear loved ones the stars are making a mockery of me but the sun has to rise as does forgiveness. That is if you remember who we are talking about here.