We had been everywhere. We had really seen nothing.

I've come to the realization that I idealize everything in my mind. I consume my brain with thoughts about nothing but glorious events that I have in great detail planned out but no real intention of seeing through. This is just another form of procrastination but it's kept me company so far. I thoroughly love seeing people succeed. I relish other people's successes and accept their failures as my own. My motives have been sincere and my love for mankind gets rejuvinated daily. I'll keep track of all the misfortunes swallow you whole and all the prosperity you are granted in the years to come. It's quite honestly a scrapbook of the mind. I don't add any real concrete facts, I just photocopy days that turn into months onto the pages. More people should keep track of their intentions. I'd hate to see your light at the end of the tunnel dim before you even open your eyes...

On a completely unrelated basis ...
Note to self, rent the following movies:

Lolita
Party girl
Igby goes down
Manhattan

All of the time you thought I was sad, I was just trying to remember your name.

I'm currently under the spell of the song "Your ex lover is dead" by Stars. It's funny because an old rerun of degrassi was playing on my tv but I was multitasking all sorts of things at once so I wasn't really watching it and all of a sudden this song started playing and it made me stop dead in my tracks. I just sat there staring at the tv screen soaking up all of the lyrics and allowing the melody to lull me to sleep. It didn't actually put me to sleep but the song was so pretty it could almost pass for a lullaby for the 20th century. I updated my ipod which was oddly enough extremely theraputic. I hadn't updated it since a year and a half ago because the screen is so cracked you can't see what is playing and I didn't see the point. It still works though and tonight I added tons of new material that I have been listening to. The stuff that was on there brought back memories of crushes, an ex boyfriend, a dead friendship, a funeral, and just being young and naive in general. I went on b&n website earlier and put a copy of Black kid's album 'Party Traumatic' on hold. Probably my favorite band currently. I have exams tomorrow and I will get murdered by the world of trigonometry. Sweet dreams are made of these...........

We have to create the fireworks for our veins to feel alive.

I think somewhere along the mystical path to our love lives we all managed to mangle and contort or rather misinterpret the true meaning behind boys and the silly games they play. Allow them to play field hockey with your heart, tackle your bones, and suckerpunch your vital organs. It's a harsh game of who can hurt the other without caving in. In society today games are almost always frowned upon, "what good comes from this" the critics cry. The bottom line is walls must be built and we have to test the waters to see if the love in question is worth the 50 foot drop to nowheresville, USA. There are intentions, maybe not the best ones but they are there if you use your magnifying glass. Games make the whole falling in love craze seem much more appealing. Let's just call it foreplay that is a prelude to an eventual dull honeymoon phase. Girls should counteract and exude some balance in the equation. You are in the drivers seat of your emotions. Allow yourself to play along. I say bring on the games, bring on the hurt, bring on anything that makes me feel this alive. I beg of you sir.

And to further prove my point. Even my immortal soulmate Andy Warhol agreed with me by saying:
"Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attructions are between the opposites that never meet."

For God's sake let me love, and hold your tounge.

My soul was awakened in Austin, Texas. I miss everything about that damn city already. I'm doing my research paper right now and I am feeling suddenly alive and inspired. I am reading different criticisms of John Donne's work and I stumbeled across this

"He is telling their souls goodmorning, which shows how this is a start or a beginning. He compares his new love an emergence of his soul, and while sea discoverers have gone to new worlds, they only need each other."

I wish I could blissfully write something like that merely on experience alone. Alas, maybe I won't ever be a well rounded writer.

Musical enlightment of some sort.

I don't usually blog about my music tastes or which albums i'm currently listening to because well frankly my music taste has been unturned since summer. I listen to the same albums on repeat and I can't tear myself away from them.

In no specific order they are:
1. You me and everyone we know - Party for the grown and sexy
2. The maine - Can't stop, Won't stop
3. FTSK- Underdog alma mater
4. THE FORMAT, BOTH ALBUMS

Of course new bands have made appearences in my life but these three albums have stuck with me undoubtfully enough, shit spell check that for me. I also currently really like Bishop Allen, who I became farmiliar with after seeing nick and norah's infinite playlist and looking up the soundtrack listing online. I also get chills listening to Rachael Yamagata; 30h!3's album is really catchy and i'll listen to it if I feel pissed off or liberated or both.

The real reason I'm writing this entry is because I found out that You me and everyone we know is finally holding up on a promise to come back to new orleans and play at the highground. The last time they were scheduled to do so they cancelled because of the harsh weather conditions and I went to the HOB anyway.

I just went on their website to confirm the news in my head and check their calender of events and I was suprised to see that they have 6 new tracks and a new CD coming out fairly soon. Their new stuff is ingenious and I'm convinced they have not come out with one bad song. The song that has really stuck out to me is the first track entitled, "I can get back up now". The lyrics fit my molding life to a tee and signifies the death of a friendship.

I'm really happy about their new tracks and I just needed to blog out my happiness.

If this is love........I'll take spaghetti.

Most ingenous book title I've heard.....ever. Thank you caitlin for remembering it for me!

I owe my soul to those who haven't lingered or lost touch. You mean more to me than I could ever express in a measly blog. I won't ever forget your faces, your words, or your inspirational pep talks. My backbone is acquiring layers and straightening up a great deal. I don't need your insistent party girl persona or your ever changing mood swings, I have enough of my own thank you very much. Loyalty will never be a question, more so the consitant variable that will never sway. It's safe to say the standstill I've reached has made me give up on reviving any ounce of sympathy out of you. I know you are the type of person who can weave people out of her life without any hesitation. That is the one thing I always admired about you. I wish you weren't a follower of the seasons and I wish you had remorse in your tone of voice. I do not wish to rewind time and change a damn thing. I am stronger than these bones confess and I am wiser than your valley girl crew. Who knew losing friends could be a cure all. Cheers to moving three steps forward and zero steps back. See you when I see you.

Flickering and glimmering, an ounce of compassion.

Oh faithful October, thank you for a brief introduction to winter and it's blanket of breezy winds. My knees are applauding in appreciation. More from me tomorrow but for now:

I think I was ginger spice in another life. I bought Spice world from goodwill today. Sequins, body suits, neon red hair, girl power attitude. It seems only fitting?

How much is an apology really worth?

Nickels, dimes, quarters, dollar bills? Is there really a price to pay for the words 'I'm sorry'? Picking apart constellations and seeing your faces in every one. The night sky hasn't been to forgiving. Managed to take more than a few wrong turns along the way to self discovery, or well self realization. I know i've managed to let you down on numerous occasions but please don't count me out just yet. My judgement has been impaired and mistaken. It may seem almost comical but I only want to make you all proud. Sticks and stones may break bones but your looks alone are enough to set the pit of my stomach on fire. My veins are grasping for your approval. Sideways glances and backhanded compliments are going out of style faster than you can say damage control. We wrote the book on finding lucky pennies in midst of a crisis, is there any ounce luck left to spare? I'm trying to find my lost soul in a series of unfortunate events. Yes my dear loved ones the stars are making a mockery of me but the sun has to rise as does forgiveness. That is if you remember who we are talking about here.

We can't all make it out alive.

Entrapt in a series of funhouse mirrors, embedded in a treasure chest that's missing a key. I've lost my free spirit. "Elephants" By: Rachael Yamagata is the most bonechilling and tender song i've heard in ages. It almost makes me want to swallow my pride and fall in love. Stress the word almost.

Independence in a time of dependence.

September crept in ever so faithfully. It may soon come time to put an ad in the paper for a new bestfriend. Mine is currently M.I.A. Let me know if you guys hear anything. I will never be one to slash the idea of being perfectly secure and fine without a swarm of friends or posse to make you feel like you are wanted in the world but it's getting to the point where my own shadow is becoming a person. I'm making shapes out of thin air and talking to space. This whole hurricane holiday i've been all by my lonesome. I will never say I'm lonely because no matter how corny it may sound i've always, always got my family. I'm more lucky than anything else. I may not have many friends but my closet is fierecer than half the bitches I know. I'm my own bestfriend, work-it-out.

The countdown to the rest of our lives began today.

An homage to my official last 'first' day of highschool. It's wrapped, done. We got our senior sweaters before leaving school today and they are very reminicent of throwback 50s pink ladies sweaters, only powder blue with pink writing. I feel a wierd and deranged void in the pit of my stomach today. I feel like something is missing, a big something. I'm nervous and on edge. Thank God I'm single because if I'm this much of a wreck single you can bet a relationship would mug me of every last ounce of sanity I have left. One last food for thought, I may be anti romance but even the most cyinical of bitches should be allowed some happiness for a second or so, right?

Take me back to the age of innocence.

I'm still breathing that has to count for something, right? As the score stands world - 1, me - 0. I can't win, I can't fathom, I can't, I can't. What can I do exactly. Peddaling in a constant state of backwardness. If that's even a fucking word. I don't even recognize myself lately. Clad head to toe in an attire which reaks of regret. I don't expect the world to reward my wrongdoings. Leverage would be wonderful. I spit game that I don't plan on ever justifying. Expired feelings and hurt pride. If I wrote my own biography I would paint myself as the victim or maybe the villan, I can't tell the two apart nowadays. I need to accept responsiblity and regain my knowledge of the world of the vulnerable.

You are living to die, I am dying to live.

In and out of my head. Criss crossing through conscience states of being. I can't sleep tonight. This is a deadly combination. Sometimes I wish I could wake up in a hospital bed. Do you think they would pump the life back into a girl like me? My spirit is awfully lonely. I think I was on the verge of sobbing a few minutes ago. It's honestly been months since i've cried. I like to keep my emotions padlocked. I need some one to throw me a line here.

"I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member."

Gathering up wingspan and getting into the disney spirit. Tomorrow at 5PM I will be Mouse house bound finally! I cannot wait to head to the airport, I eat up all the concentrated passerbys. Airports are so exciting. Airplanes are too but they make a girl who has a hole in her eardrum wish she were never born. I credit this is as the last weigand family hoorah! The last sense of togetherness as preteens, as kids. Come next summer i'll be leaving the nest and venturing off into the real world. I think i'm ready to conquer my fears and become a full blown travelista, fashionista or whatever. I can feel my heartbeat exploding through my retinas and penetrating eagerly down my spinalcord. I watched Annie Hall for the first time last night, made me fall even more head over heels in love with woody allen. He is hands down the most quotable comedian to date. Not to mention Diane keaton was superb in her role as annie. It has easily become one of my all time favorite movies.

You've got nothing to lose but a visa card, happy meal, and Kotex with wings.

It's been well over a month since i've updated last. Lots has been going on, well at least i'd say so. I had a liplock and gridlock within a week span of one another. It's funny how karma can come in the form of a 19 year old boy with a lip ring. I'm a big girl, I can accept backlash. I've grown up a hell of a lot since our final tango. You had the final say but the curtain call was a weaved web full of intricate emotions and puzzeling mind games. For what it's worth i'm still more naive than when you left. Literally spot checking myself and making sure the boundry lines are still set in my periphial vision. Sick of being a pawn in a "man's" world. I keep spontaneously inviting complete strangers into my life, getting caught up in the brief moment, and getting pushed right back to start. It's easy to deny emotions, it's conquering them and dealing with your demons that's the brutal part. The dark has been comforting. I've been doing lots of damage control, for the places I need most. I'm reading 'White oleander', I heard the book was better than the movie, that will be very hard to top but we'll see. Already got a whole scroll length of pages highlited. I'm in a windowsill, baking motives. We play chess with our hearts, we gamble our souls, and ultimately we sell what's left of ourselves for a mere stint of so-called ecstasy.

"You look like you ran into a wall, a very hot wall."

Wednesday afternoon Maddie picked me up and we headed to the harahan firepark. Finally talked to Miranda, it seemed our friendship was on hiatus for quite some time now. Miranda met up with us at the park and we got to see her new blue camry, which is very much like her personality spunky and cute. It was a real homecoming of sorts, I missed her dearly. We then picked up some clothes and huddeled in Miranda's car to head over to her new house on little farms ave. It is the quaintest/lush house. It's 6 bedrooms, 3 baths and it is the perfect home to fit her whole family. Finally saw Mrs. Donielle and we chatted about old times etc. We got dressed up to go see sex and the city movie, after that around 11:30ish we witnessed a DUI in the making as we were walking into dot's dinner seeing a real live arrest go down. We played a few tunes on the jukebox and had rounds of coffee. We then slept at maddie's house. It was such a night full of laughs and such. As for today I got my hair done in a 3 hour process. About 4 inches or so of my length is chopped off merely because it was lifeless hair dangling and hanging on for dear life. I also got fringe bangs and a bright red color. I have to go back to get the rest completed but I'm growing to like it, not all that bad.

Salutations if you are into that sort of thing.

It seems summer has plagued me with nothing but a severe case of insomnia. This insomnia has taken on a life of it's very own and entitled me to nothing but deep reflection with a side of paranoia for the inevitable future. I can't stray from these overruling bad habits of mine either. I was hoping this would be a changing summer for me or at least a summer full of excitement and treasured memories. Yet once again it's done nothing of the sort. No I haven't even got the raise from work which I was promised months ago. I may be stuck in a rut but I'm sure I am the one to blame for it. I need a burst of inspiration, a joult in the right direction. I haven't managed to get my overdue driver's lisence or my artifical red hair back. The pity party has been started by none other than little old me. "Happiness is like a butterfly, which when persued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." - Nathanial Hawthorne.

Thank you grandmother.

Memory lane is a dead end street, my dear friend.

Memory lane is an ever present street intricately programed into the skulls of individuals once they become old enough to pay it visits. Friday I lugged my way down this narrow dead end street to visit friends who never lose their swagger. Maddie picked me up around 6o'clock sharp, I know this exact time because E! news was about to come on. She was able to score her grandmaw's car for the weekend so this played out perfectly. Together Maddie and I drove around, aimlessly in an effort to waste excess time. We arrived at harahan park and talked about our hopes and dreams and everything in between. Our topic of conversation lately has been revolving around Sex and the city episodes that we share our opinions on. I love 90s throw back. We compare ourselves to the characters and try to find any ounce of likeness in each comprimising situation that the show presents. It's nice, I think memory lane will appreciate that memory for light years to come. Avery arrived in her usual glowing livlihood. She was dressed very down in over sized sweats and a shirt that could fit another corspe in it. She never dressed to impress, while it was one of the things I disliked about her it also conveyed the most powering messsage of all, "I don't meander through life to impress you, you, or any of you." Well that's what I picked up anyway, I quoted it because it seems like that was her point. Maybe I'm just delusional. We hadn't seen each other in quite some time but once again memory lane worked it's magic and altered together lumpsomes of past events into conversation. We went to Kyto 2 and grabbed some sushi, instantaneously past meals we all shared together there clammered my brain. We attempted to take our talk to the levee but the misquotos were just not having it. Instead we opted to sit in front of Meghan's old house on walter road. Half joking/half kidding Maddie called Meghan and asked her permission. The house is deserted now, but the old pool parties, movie nights, arguements, etc remained in tact. Meghan was in destrehan with her boyfriend so she was unable to make it, I don't know if I would've been able to keep my voice from cracking or my eyes from giving birth to individual tears had she been there. It would seem that much more real. I still feel Mr. Kenny's presence whenever I talk to her, I can feel him giving his two cents into conversation, or laughing when Mrs. Gina would try and cook an unburnt meal, or when him and paw paw would gather in the living room, engaging in a screaming match agaisnt the television that displayed his coveted fight nights. I know he's the kind of angel that never sways. I know he'd be so proud of her and the young woman she is becoming. I do wish I saw Meghan more but it's the way the cards have been dealt. We all gathered around in a continuous circle, crouching as if we planned to do this in unison. Destin vacation was what we all loved to talk about most. It was the most ideal trip, 4 best friends sweating in the back of a truck. It was sisterhood of the traveling pants style. We walked onto her old porch, chalk filled I love you's to various boys were scrawled all over the wood panneling. That house was an invisible glue that managed to bring all of our different personalitys and traits together. I spent years in that house, living life and sharing my trials and tribulations with the Laizer family. No matter what the house's fate ultimately becomes we will always have our dear friend Memory lane to thank for remembering it all today. The night ended with watching The virgin suicides, which was hauntingly mesmerizing, Sophia copola managed to capture the essence of the girl's emotions. It was filmed beautifully and the story line was superb. I really loved it, and all the records played through out. I'm going to buy a record player now!

We can't make some one our soul mate, If we could it would have nothing to do with our souls.

Destin family vacation 2008 was a 5 day, 4 night romp spent in a very luxurious and quaint village type condo. All family members were in attendence for once. As if on cue the night before the 7 some odd car ride I got a visit from "aunt flo." On our first day of arrival I attempted to successfully unveil the art of the tampon. After hours of trial and error, error ultimately won out and I was forced to wear a pad on the sandy beaches of Florida. Day two and I was looking very much forward to capturing a sunkissed glow that Mary seems to embody all year long, even during Louisiana's winter nights. I laid out by the pool and lathered on sunscreen as if it were a cure all. After a couple hours lounging by the pool I started feeling burnt and crisp all over, much like a burnt piece of toast would. We headed back to our condo and much to my suprise (well no suprise really) I was burnt from head to toe. We then headed to the beach and I was miserable but sticking it out in an effort to soak up as much family bonding time as possible. The night was topped off by watching Juno and making smore's. Next day, the fernandez's arrived to the villa, (8 girls, 3 adults total), we were our own extended partridge family. There was plenty of seperation brewing between the girls mostly in part of Mr. Ricky's daughters unfailing obsession with meeting every walking, talking, boy in the area. I wish I could say meredith was unfazed by all the commotion but even she gave in and dressed like their clone, fully clad in HCO clothes and pounds of unescessary eye makeup. I really cannot stand when my younger sister's succomb to the expectations of other's especially because I see their full potentional on a daily basis and it's the most beautiful and lovely glimpse you will ever see. I want Murphy to stay queen of the tomboy's as long as possible, she is only 10 for christ's sake, boys should still be contracting cooties or something. I'm 17 and I still haven't even begun to master the art of dating. As we finished up a fine dining experience in the village on our last night there, both the Weigand clan and the fernandez bunch strolled the pier for more conversation. Mary and I were walking with the youngest fernandez, Emily (11), where she was sharing with us all of her sister's dating blunders, (mind you they are ages 14, 13, and 12). My mind was racing, how has our generation put such an emphasis on finding a companion that it's managed to target pre-teens. Where are the good ole days of young girls pretending to be nancy drew, collecting goose bump books (ahem, yours truely), or in today's modern world wishing to be just like Miley cyrus, (and not because she just may be a bit sluttier in real life). Why have girls such as natalie, claire, and the rest of their clan got my sister Meredith to second guess her unique qualities and replace them with society's expected ones. Are girls today no longer striving to maintain dignity, morals, and respect? Or are they instead opting to sacrifice these things in order to attract a member of the opposite sex. Maybe I'm just not understanding how girl's can give their indpendence a backseat and allow boys to command the driver's seat. Luckily for both my parent's, clothes and the world of fashion have commanded much more of my attention than any measly boy could or maybe ever will.

Caution: this entry will dissapoint.

Howdy patna!
Thursday I went to the ftsk, metrostation, the cab, danger radio, and maine concert at the house of blues. It went off without a hitch. Danger radio sucks, the cab were great, the maine were greater, metro station were good live, sucked as human beings and ftsk were by far the best. Not much else to say on that subject I mean john oh really is more stunning in person and johnathan from ftsk is ghetto and adorable.

I am fully aware that this post makes me sound like a wanna be 11 year old groupie. Well it has always been a dream of mine..

An ode to the cheesecake within us all.

Cheesecake is a cure all for me. Went to the big library today after school checked out a book for my art exam essay and also this fine beauty:



So excited to start reading it, I've been into quirky collective essays compiled into solid book form lately. I've also been really interested in finding out as much as I can about each author before I begin reading, I call this the 'pick the brain' stage. The dominating reason I wrote this entry is because I love this single line of lyrics in a song by mansions called curaco blue. I've been listening to all songs by him on repeat, so inspiring and brutually true to fact.

"I understand exactly why I fell: I didn't really want you or myself."

The applied interpretation semi- speaks for itself, or else get a clue.

One exerpt from 'I was told there'd be cake' that I read so far was - "The real proof that I have tried to love and that people have tried to love me back is never going to fit in a kitchen drawer."

(With that I can tell this is going to be a miranda julyesque good read!)

CHEERS!

The longer you think, the less you know what to do.

I was meandering down memory lane and stumbeled upon this written letter I wrote to my parents last August when they were on the verge of divorce. Cut to a year later and they are still together, and that fateful day in August seems quite exaggerated. It's funny how mother time plays mind tricks on us. This is the most private entry I've posted but I feel it will help the inevitable healing process. I remember standing in the living room reading this to my father, hands shaking and trembeling but eyes alert and focused. I can't recall a single tear though. It's this sole piece of writing that has influenced my current cyinical state of being in relationships. It's all a learning process, every single second. My parent's are incredible individuals with the most incredible worth ethic I have ever seen. No matter how I old I am, I credit all my future accomplishments and endevors to both of them. So here it is, and here I go.

"Sick game"
August 7th, 2007

As I am writing this fighting words are being shot back and forth from my parent's mouths like some sort of sick game. It's 12:30 PM and not one soul is asleep. I haven't been inspired to write in only God knows how long. The last time I actually sat down and wrote a thought provoking entry was back when I had sanity, oh some 3 1/2 months ago. I can't believe it has taken such a traumatic event such as a divorce to allow my brain to string together a sad excuse for a journal. Well you see, my parent's inability to maintain a healthy relationship has never been a secret to me or my sister's, it was mutually understood, (well for me anyway). This unhealthy relationship is the sole reason marriage is of no interest to me. Not now, not ever. I sit here in my mother's office in utter disbelief that it has gotten this far and that my father's breakdowns have become so routine now. My mom is the stoic one, showing little to no emotion in the time of crisis. My sister's are such troopers and I know they will succeed to no end. I don't want my sister's to reach the point that I have over time concluded to. I don't want them to think of marriage as a jail sentence or an ongoing battle. I want them to love life and not take anything for granted. I fear for me it's too late. I am a timebomb ready to combust. I think of love in such a cyinical point of view, rarely seeing any good that comes from it. I don't want to have this state of mind, I don't want to fear love, I want to embrace it. My parent's have instilled a fear in the very corner of our fragile hearts. We need to know that love can overcome all. I need to know love can overcome all.

*Cue the violins.

Spur of the moment.

Bigger, brighter, faster, stronger. I have a talent, that is I can stand on my own two feet. What's yours? I am itching for summer to smother me with it's warm, lingering embrace. Indpendence is a way of life if you want it to be. QLTY NOT QTY.

It pains me to type this.

Oh how I know you are e-a-t-i-n-g all of this up, the tables have turned and you carefully distributed their position. Flashback a year ago and you were the one lacking a backbone. I forget your existence sometimes, I almost convince myself you were a prolonged daydream that ended unfinished. I am not ashamed to applaud you for being stronger than I remembered. All of this time apart has done you justice. My soul shakes with emphasis around the stomach area. I am setting myself up for the biggest upset in little league history, I haven't made it to the big leagues yet, delegate me some spare time. Why is it that whenever I am in your presence I feel lost and flabbergasted. You'd think little old cyinicical me would've gained an ounce of knowledge from this experience. I caved and called you out, I made the first move, I can't seem to let the one good thing that happened to me go. I might not like you, maybe the idea of some one with your stature just seems to fit right now. I can't distinguish between the two. I might call you up soon, I need closure or whatever it's called.

Thanks for the kindness you bestowed on me this weekend. It was a great suprise seeing you again. I know my tongue couldn't spit out a single syllable your direction but put the blame on my brain, it couldn't string together anything witty enough.

On a less painful note, Caitlin and I experienced the most insane, chaotic, extreme, instense event this weekend. Clarity was blew my direction like a hurricane in the gulf. I love you Kimberley, you make sense of all the baggage I don't have enough cargo space for. Oh and andru, I've grown to love and cherish all of your quirky traits, you are truly a one of a fucking kind original human being. I cannot wait to visit you in orlando come summer.

This blog is freakishly long and for good reason, happy mother's day! I bought the Cab's new CD and it is poppy and delightful. I am determined to get very aquainted with all the bands playing on may 22nd, which will be the most amazing concert ever held. FTSK'S new CD 'underdog alma mater' is superb as well, hoorah!

tried to make you miss me but you wouldn't oblige
so I said, "get out
yeah, get the fuck out"
the whiskey on my breath started to fall from my eyes
just like a rain cloud
yeah, I'm a dark cloud
I never really ever meant to be
presenting myself so desperately
it's not the first time
and I should know better
if I thought it'd make you stay
I would chop off both your legs
but knowing you you'd find a way to keep on leaving
well don't leave cause all I want is you to just pretend to feel it
or I guess I don't

Read between the thick lines.

Everything is strategic and intetional. It's all mapped out in the back of my cerebellum. My eyelids flutter in anticipation as if waiting for their curtain call. I insert my two cents, but not into conversation. My head is perfectly balanced onto my knuckles, it's all planned. Sometimes I wish more people would notice this. I can't whistle because my tongue and my braces don't get along. I won't sacrifice these habits in exchange for healthier ones, it's too expected.

"You should really make your bed, it sets the tone for the day."

"How do you know what kind of tone I want to set." Smart people was deliciously intuitive and innovative. I loved all the on location shots and the unglmaorized cars/actors. It was great to see a movie that wasn't trying to be something it's not. Of course I am also partial to any work of Ellen Page. The movie tied together very nicely and I'll be sure to add it to my collection soon enough. On another note, my dad has been really adament about moving to Atlanta, GA. I say go for it, i'll be in college when they move anyway. Yet, he assures me if the move becomes official it will be far sooner than that. I've always welcomed a change of scenery but I don't think Atlanta would be what I've longed for. New york city and I'd be far more open to the idea. He claims there are just no more job oppritunitys in the area anymore. All I keep thinking of is the ticking clock in my head cueing me to put in my two weeks notice. Debbie's last day was yesterday and that was the final factor urging me to do so. Everyone around me has become so dependent on everyone else. I feel much like a fish out of water. I really don't think I'm the jealous type anymore. Nothing fazes me. Bought me and you and everyone we know thursday, watched it last night!

"I've long stopped since making people do things they do not want to do."
Aur voir!

If I only had a heart.

Kimya dawson you know me so well...

friendships would grow then i'd hit the road
making up excuses for why i had to leave
always been too scared and unprepared
to let anybody get too close to me

As oprah puts it I had an aha! moment today.

Nervous energy is selfish really. By simply being nervous you are asking for all attention to be aimed your direction. Think about it.

Current obsession for spring:


Heels and socks!

"We have a whole life to live together you fucker, but it can't start until you call."

New york style cheesecake was a fair trade to attending my junior prom. Despite everyone else's views I still think it'll be cool to one day look back and say "Yeah, I didn't attend my prom." You'll see how right I am someday, well maybe you won't because I'm betting you, who ever you are went to your prom. So like I said I had some cheesecake, family crawfish boil, and watched Me you and everyone we know all the way through. Miranda July is in short a genius and I want to go to Barnes and noble and buy her book "No one belongs here more than you." We are all lonely souls, our bones are quivering for warmth. I'm starting to question the word soul mate and my cyinicism becomes more epic everyday. I'm surrounded by "souls" yearning for a mate but they seem nowhere to be found. Earlier today I was tempted to scrub my kitchen floors with a toothbrush, only because it seemed fun in movies. I still wish my life had a soundtrack that followed me around. Different songs would cue for different moods, etc. Oh no, I really am growing odder everday. I don't want to get married, ever. Why is everyone so boring and why can't I accept that? No one says "cheers" and clinks glasses anymore. Society is straying from it's quirky concepts. What was the fucking purpose of this entry. I need a vacation.. Hey, remind me to take out the f bombs before I inform my mom about my blog. (One day I just might.)

I'll keep singing this lie if you keep believing it..

April fool's day is like a lying girl's christmas, you get to unwrap one lie after the other and not give it a second thought. I don't condone lying, I've just grown accustomed to concealing true idenitys. It's nothing to brag about really it's just that natalie portman makes it look so fun in garden state. I lie about stupid shit and then a mere two seconds later i'll admit i made it up. No harm every really comes with it, well not yet at least. *Knocks on wood*. I've seemd to have gotten myself into a bit of a pickle, I guess I never really took my mother's advice when she told me "There are times when keeping a secret is essential to having close relationships with people." Okay so my mother isn't really that insightful, well let me cut her some slack and say we never really have deep mother-daughter conversations that result in advice. My mouth is like a floodgate and once it's triggered things come pouring out into the victim's ears. I try and stop myself but it seems to be at the point of no return. I'm working on this, please entrust in that much. I know you given me 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and fifth chances but who is keeping score really? I've come to realize I'm not as good of a friend as I initally thought. Throw me a line, I'm changing my ways. I hope you know this post wasn't a joke and prior to popular thought I'm actually being honest. I'm actually admitting my faults instead of jolting in the other direction. I hope you read this and understand a little bit better. Ps sorry my last post sucked ;/

Dance around the issue.

Weekend wrapup: Friday I had to work 4-close, after work Kimberley drove to rue, (in her new adorable honda 07' honda civic), and met up with me and andrew. We drove to cafe roma and arrived around 10:30, andrew has the hookups so we got to stay past close. The food was amazing, it was great catching up. Kimberley is coming back to work, super excited. Played the slot machines illegally, andrew won 160$ and only put in 20, ca ching. He paid for our dinners of course. I chatted with our waitress because it's a small world and she casually dated maddie's brother ages ago, we talked about maddie and how sucky chapelle is. Left the resturant, me and kimberley somehow ended up in the middle of new orleans, flares were in the road and shit, scary. Finally arrived home, kimberley dropped me off. Saturday I had work 2-close. Went to quizno's on my break, there is a very good looking guy who works there, hmph. Saturday night, came home and watched the re run of ellen page on snl, a let down d00d. Today went to the zurich classic golf tournament all day with my mom, dad, and mary. Ate tons of food, mainly charbroiled oysters from drago's. People watched, well more like critisized with mary. It was lovely, I wore my new summer dress from forever 21 with my kanye glasses. I'm exhausted, I'm gonna take a cold shower and reminice with bret michaels.

PS I fell in love with these shoes, they are elie tahari and the original price tag is a staggering 110$ I saw them on clearence at marshall's for 36$ I must buy them, I'm going back tomorrow.

Told ya mary.

1. Do you޲޲ sti޲޲ll޲ tal޲޲k to the޲޲ fir޲޲st޲ per޲޲so޲n޲ you޲޲ mad޲޲e out޲޲ wit޲޲h?޲No, not even if you paid me.
2. Wha޲t is the޲ bes޲t thi޲ng abo޲ut you޲r cur޲ren޲t job޲?I can think of plenty not good things.
3. Are޲ you޲ tou޲chy޲ fee޲ly?޲Feely touchy maybe
4. Wha޲t are޲ two޲ of you޲r fav޲ori޲te pla޲ces޲ to eat޲?Drago's, Olive garden
5. Are޲ you޲ Iri޲sh in any޲ way޲?Only artificially, well used to be.
6. Hav޲e you޲ eve޲r dra޲nk Jac޲k Dan޲iel޲s?My gag reflexes are quivering.
7. You޲ and޲ Oprah go out޲ to din޲ner޲ -- who޲ pay޲s?Trick question?
8. Pic޲k one޲ sta޲te in the޲ U.S޲. to get޲ rid޲ of per޲man޲ent޲ly?޲Kansas doesn't contribute nothin but tornadoes, al those farm states can pack up become extinct too, well not all of them I might be a farmer's wife someday, well most likely not.
9. Wha޲t's޲ a wea޲pon޲ to sui޲t you޲r per޲son޲ali޲ty,޲ hab޲its޲ and޲ abi޲lit޲ies޲?No comprende?
10.޲ Fav޲ori޲te car޲niv޲al foo޲d (ev޲ery޲one޲ has޲ one޲)?good rot your teeth cotton candy.
11.޲ Fav޲ori޲te foo޲d to eat޲ whe޲n you޲'re޲ was޲ted޲?Anything really.
12.޲ Whe޲n was޲ the޲ las޲t tim޲e you޲ got޲ a goo޲d wor޲kou޲t?Comin out of my mother's womb.
13.޲ Wha޲t wer޲e you޲ doi޲ng at 11:޲59 pm on Fri޲day޲ nig޲ht?޲My memory lacks initiative.
14.޲ Is you޲r bed޲roo޲m win޲dow޲ ope޲n?Never ever
15.޲ Who޲ is you޲r fav޲ori޲te per޲son޲ to hav޲e a ser޲iou޲s con޲ver޲sat޲ion޲ wit޲h?My grandmaw, fuck virginia.
17.޲ Doe޲s tal޲kin޲g abo޲ut sex޲ mak޲e you޲ unc޲omf޲ort޲abl޲e?Haha I'm a bit old fashioned so yes.
19.޲ Hav޲e you޲ eve޲r kis޲sed޲ som޲eon޲e you޲ wer޲en'޲t dat޲ing޲?lawlz
20.޲ Eve޲r kis޲sed޲ any޲one޲ on you޲r top޲ fri޲end޲s?I think so, yes I'm quite sure.
21.޲ Eve޲r kis޲sed޲ som޲eon޲e who޲ had޲ a boy޲fri޲end޲/gi޲rlf޲rie޲nd?޲No, I have common sense.
22.޲ Eve޲r kis޲sed޲ som޲eon޲e you޲nge޲r tha޲n you޲?Only by a couple months or so.
23.޲ Old޲er tha޲n you޲?Yes.
24.޲ Hav޲e you޲ eve޲r kis޲sed޲ som޲eon޲e you޲ did޲n't޲ lik޲e?Yes, yes, yes.
25.޲ Do you޲ reg޲ret޲ you޲r las޲t kis޲s?Not at the time, still not really, but come to find out he's a bit of an airhead, ick.
26.޲ Wha޲t doe޲s the޲ 7th޲ mes޲sag޲e in you޲r [ce޲ll]޲ tex޲t out޲box޲ say޲?"Friendship has ended", jokingly and lovingly of course to lacy.
27.޲ Wha޲t doe޲s you޲r las޲t inc޲omi޲ng tex޲t say޲?"I don't need a ride home" from maddie.
28.޲ Wha޲t tim޲e did޲ you޲ get޲ up tod޲ay?޲6:15 give or take.
29.޲ Quo޲te som޲eth޲ing޲ fro޲m las޲t nig޲ht:޲"I hope you fail"- Mary, my inspiring sister.
30.޲ Do you޲ cal޲l any޲one޲ bab޲e?Only the pig.
31.޲ Who޲ wer޲e you޲ las޲t in a car޲ wit޲h?Momma bear.
32.޲ Whe޲n was޲ the޲ las޲t tim޲e you޲ hug޲ged޲ som޲eon޲e?Today?
33.޲ Wha޲t col޲or shi޲rt are޲ you޲ wea޲rin޲g?School attire.
34.޲ Are޲ you޲ a fre޲ak?޲I use the term loosely.
35.޲ Las޲t thi޲ng you޲ ate޲?Cesar salad.
36.޲ Las޲t thi޲ng you޲ dra޲nk?޲Green tea fuze
37.޲ Whe޲re did޲ you޲ sle޲ep las޲t nig޲ht?޲My futon is uncomfortable..
38.޲ Are޲ you޲ hap޲py rig޲ht now޲?A bit sick.
39.޲ Wha޲t did޲ you޲ say޲ las޲t?"Bye"
40.޲ Wha޲t col޲or are޲ you޲r eye޲s?Hazel, more green than brown.
41.޲ Wha޲t is the޲ hig޲hli޲ght޲ of you޲r wee޲k?This week has been dull as dishwater..
42.޲Wha޲t is you޲r fav޲ori޲te sto޲re?޲The thrifty kinds.
43 Who޲/wh޲at do you޲ hat޲e cur޲ren޲tly޲?My big feet get in the way.
44.޲ If you޲ cou޲ld hav޲e som޲eon޲e wit޲h you޲ rig޲ht now޲, who޲ wou޲ld it be?޲Ed westwick or christian siriano.
45.޲ Do you޲ get޲ the޲ rec޲omm޲end޲ed eig޲ht hou޲rs of sle޲ep a nig޲ht?޲Subtract that by 5.
46.޲ Wha޲t mak޲es you޲ hap޲pie޲st?޲Simplicity.
47.޲ Wha޲t wer޲e you޲ doi޲ng at 11 las޲t nig޲ht?޲Studying for the most part.
48.޲ Wha޲t's޲ for޲ din޲ner޲ ton޲igh޲t?Pizza hut, here's to hopin'
49.޲ Wha޲t is the޲ las޲t alc޲oho޲lic޲ bev޲era޲ges޲ you޲ had޲?Uh
50.޲ Whe޲n is you޲r bir޲thd޲ay?޲feb 27th
51.޲ Who޲ was޲ the޲ las޲t per޲son޲ to sen޲d you޲ a tex޲t mes޲sag޲e?Maddie..
52.޲ Whe޲n is the޲ las޲t tim޲e you޲ wer޲e in a swi޲mmi޲ng poo޲l?It's been ages.
53.޲ How޲ do you޲ fee޲l abo޲ut you޲r hai޲r rig޲ht now޲?Outlandish.
54.޲ Who޲ is you޲r cel޲l pho޲ne pro޲vid޲er?޲cingular sucks
55.޲ Whe޲re doe޲s mos޲t of you޲r fam޲ily޲ liv޲e?here and there, a bit scattered between LA, TX, and VA.
56.޲ Are޲ you޲ an onl޲y chi޲ld or do you޲ hav޲e sib޲lin޲gs?޲3 younger sisters.
57.޲ Wha޲t was޲ the޲ fir޲st thi޲ng you޲ did޲ whe޲n you޲ wok޲e up?޲The power was out, I kept trying to turn on the light.
58.޲ Mys޲pac޲e or Fac޲ebo޲ok?޲uber
59.޲ Wha޲t ann޲oys޲ you޲ mos޲t?Mundane, ordinary.
60.޲ Wha޲t is you޲r fav޲ori޲te sub޲jec޲t in sch޲ool޲?FAS is easiest.
61.޲ Wha޲t typ޲e of guy޲/gi޲rl do you޲ usu޲all޲y fal޲l for޲?I'm intrigued by the brooding, messy, out of control, very distant, sarcastic, spiteful, cyinical types like Billy Crudup in "dedication". On the other end of the spectrum I like the Michael ceraesque types too, the akward but suprisingly adorable ones. Last but not least the one who wear cute shoes, creative musicians automatically score big in my book, how cliche. I also like jewish andy samberg types and british imports like ed westwick, oh my. I feel dreadfully pathetic doing so many famous people refrences.
62.޲ Do you޲ hav޲e any޲ tal޲ent޲s?Being awkward is a full time job.
63.޲ Hav޲e you޲ eve޲r bee޲n IN a wed޲din޲g?Many, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Like to keep it that way.
64.޲ Did޲ you޲ tak޲e a nap޲ tod޲ay?޲I will.
65.޲ Do you޲ wan޲t to be fam޲ous޲ one޲ day޲?I don't care really.
66.޲ Are޲ you޲ mul޲tit޲ask޲ing޲ rig޲ht now޲?No.
67.޲ Cou޲ld you޲ han޲dle޲ bei޲ng in the޲ mil޲ita޲ry?޲I'm a weakling.
68.޲ Do you޲ bel޲iev޲e in Kar޲ma?޲Very much so.
69.޲ If you޲'re޲ fem޲ale޲, wha޲t col޲or are޲ you޲r nai޲ls rig޲ht now޲?Clear and shiny.
70.޲ Fav޲ori޲te tv sho޲w?Growing pains forever, what I like about you, degrassi, grey's, gg, project runway.
71.޲ Do you޲ lik޲e som޲eon޲e rig޲ht now޲?Nope.
72.޲ Fav޲ori޲te don޲ut typ޲e?Chocolate glazed.
73.޲ How޲ man޲y sch޲ool޲s hav޲e you޲ gon޲e to?޲3 1/2
74.޲ Fav޲ori޲te par޲t of bei޲ng in a rel޲ati޲ons޲hip޲?Nothing about it excites me, maybe at one point in time it did but now I find relationships predictable and pointless, maybe i'll be less cyinical in a few years.

I'm not feeling witty.

I know i'm a couple generations too late but I just successfully downloaded itunes, snickers allowed. Among other things I miss screaming you me and everyone we know lyrics, dancing in the rain at drive thru's, taking off our bras while blaring the maine's "I wanna love you", spontaneous road trip to baton rouge and mall of louisiana during exam week, pissing in cups and documenting it all, sonic ery'day, metrostation jam sessions, plotting ways to seduce our favorite band members, thrift store escepades, piccadilly, serenity, trust, when we were all young and content, it seems like ages ago.

A survey to keep my head on straight(er).

Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?
Let the flames begin, naw.

Your best friend tells you she is pregnant. What is your reaction?
I'm the liar, not you.

When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
It's been a while.

What is the last thing you spent money on?
At blockbuster I rented 'Once', still haven't gotten around to watching it.

Who is the most attractive female on your myspace friends list?
Diablo Cody, oh wait she never accepted me.

Do you think you gained or lost weight this past month?
as of this weekend i've lost a coulbe lb's, not by choice.

Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos?
I miss the puffy ones, they seem to have become extinct?

If you had to sleep with one of your teachers from high school, who would it be?
I'd rather cut off my foot.

The first person on your friends list just called you an a$$hole. What do you have to say to them?
Look who's talkin, meow

Congratulations! You just had a son. What's his name?
Jed

Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What's her name?
Harper, Marabelle

What are you craving right now?
An apetite.

What was the last thing you cried about?
This sickness is a menace of sorts.

When you buy something and your change is 2 cents, do you keep it or tell the cashier to keep it? Less common, more CENTS.

What color is your tissue box?
Tissue is for cry babies.

Do you have a ceiling fan in your room, and if so, is there dust on that fan
Oh my.

What is the last voice mail you received about?
Some one from work, bitchin because I skipped the meeting.

Have you ever blocked someone on MySpace before?
I don't know how.

Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?
Uh

Do you wear a name tag at work?
No

What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
Baja chalupa

Have you ever had a garage sale?
I'm a garage sale whore.

What color is your iPod?
Been broke, it's black though.

What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?
gag me.

Are you happy right now?
My stomach says no.

Who came over last?
Bednobs and broomsticks.

Do you drink beer?
naw

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
Vice versa.

What is your favorite key on your key chain?
no keys, therefore no key chain.

What was the last movie you watched at home?
Things we lost in the fire.

What is in your pocket?
Nuttin

Who introduced you to your bf/gf/husband/wife?
...

Where do you hurt?
chest pains, stomach cramps, the works.

Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?
let's do it.

What's something fun you did today?
skipped school.

What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart?
Hmph.

When is your birthday?
feb 27th

Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
no

What kind of milk do you drink?
Strawberry milk only.

What is something you need to go shopping for?
A bedspread.

1.Are you thinking Arby's?
Oh always

2.Do you think Kyle XY is hot?
Who?

3.What do you think of Hannah Montana?
My little sister is cuter.

4.What do you want to do after high school?
Move to nyc with christian siriano, just a hunch.

5.What time and day were you born?
1:57 PM, all I know.

6.Do you like Milk?
with cookies.

7.What are you doing today?
Cramming I presume.

8.What do you wish?
I'd like to rekindle the flames of friendship, hahahha.

9.What are you most excited for?
Finishing junior year.

10.What is/are your future children names?
Jed, Harper, Marabelle.

11.When did you lose your virginity?
Never lost it, I keep track of that sort of thing. It will stick with me for a long while to come.

12.When did you start dating the person you're with?What's their name and their birthday?
Shutup, this is making me sound unbearbly lame.

13.When was your first make out session ever and who was it with?
*grinds teeth*

14.Who is your best freind and her birthday?
Maddie - Valentine's day

15.Where do you exercise?
I don't sadly.

16.Where do you work?
Rue 21, makes me cringe to even type it.

17.Did you have a job before that? Where and how long?
Naw

18. What song is in your head?
Deal or no deal theme.

19.What shows do you enjoy?
Grey's Anatomy, Quarterlife, Degrassi, GG, What I like about you, just to name a few...

20.What are names of your immediate family and their birthdays?
Collen - Dec. 5th
Rocky - May 10th
Mary - Dec 4th
Meredith - May 17th
Murphy - June 13th

Accept the good.

I just wrapped up watching "Things we lost in the fire." It was good and oddly enough very theraputic. I've been noticing lately that I do this thing where if I am on AIM and the person I want so badly to IM me doesn't, I'll sign off and on. I guess subconsciously in the back of my mind I think that if I sign back on they will notice that in fact they should IM me.

We never had nothing handed took nothing for granted

I'm willing to bet you gave up hope on this little blog of mine, especially now. I won't tell you I'm writing this entry about you, we both know I have far too much pride for my own good. I just think it'd be cool if you happened to nonchalantly stumb upon this, like a wierd twist of fate or trickery. I just need to vent and express where my head's at in all this mess. I'm not one to usually let things effect me too deep, ya know? This for some reason is getting to me, maybe because I thought you'd strive harder to maintain our friendship. It still eats away at me how you'd hold a guy who doesn't give you the time of day so highly. Even when I have all this hostility and anger brewing inside me I can still swallow my pride and say you deserve so much better. You haven't even tried to explain your position, not at all. I don't know if I have it in me to fight this, maybe if you showed me it was worth fighting for. I want to cross this battle line without grinding my teeth. Who will go to the concert with me now? Hahaha

Another year older.

Wednesday was my lovely seventeenth birthday, all the phone calls and such meant a lot. I feel more like a 65 year old than anything else but it's nice to reach an age that welcomes more of a freedom. Rated 'r' movies here I come. Here are some pictures from my coming of age: (A la' Garden of olives).





















Au voir!
To another 17 years of being an old hag.

Self-help for the help-less

You are amazing, you have the best intentions and I like to think that all of your actions are filled with sincerity. With all due respect how can you be so blind? How can you let some one rip you apart at the seams. He may have a way with words but he also has a way with girls, and not just you. You deserve so much better than him, he deserves so much less than you. I've always been one to root for the underdog but this is one battle I'd like to sit out on.

Catch me if you can..

I'm pretty sure Caitlin is the only one who reads this blog, which would sit better with me if it weren't for the fact that she's a certified lurker and creep. She knows people's middle names that she's never met in her life. It's one of her many quirky personality traits. I actually genuinely liked some one for the first time since May of 07'. Come to find out he plays the wholesome and "honest" brooding nice guy card. YOU ARE A JOKE. Don't kid yourself the alcohol could have more than contributed to the liking factor. I'm not worrying about it much, I'm young and in no hurry to settle down, hell I can't handle a boyfriend. I'll do my thing, you do yours. Maybe i'll see you saturday in slidell and if we happen to cross paths I'll be cordial and i'll urge my tongue to keep to itself.

I turn 17 in 15 days or so, bring it on.

Happy mardi gras, (so i'm two days late)

Well really only more like one day because most of the events took place in the wee hours of the morning. Well Tuesday started off with sleeping in a little late, then allie and dylan picked me up and we got tacobell and ate at the lakefront. So uhh allie just got her lisence and her car's battery died, we had to get a man to use his jumper cables on her car. Then we got an hour long speech about accepting god and not drinking etc. Caitlin met up with us at the lakefront, she got in allie's car and we drove around for a bit and somehow ended up at walgreen's. It was caitlin's birthday and I was trying to think of something really random to do so I thought how about we drive to slidell. We called up Brad Grass, (It's only fitting I put his first and last name since that's what caitlin does). We went to allie's to get ready and then drove for an hour to Slidell. We met Brad and his friend Kyle at the oak harbor mall. We all got in the car and went to heritage park. So many cute boys, oh my. Somehow winded macking on Brad hahahahha. We got kicked out of that park so we headed to another one. Then we went to "Cheeto's" house. Drank a bit and hung out on his trailer's steps. Macked w/ Brad some more hahahha. Spied a cutie, told Keo I thought that guy was cute, turns out it's keo's best friend. I told him to put in a good word for me. Sat in caitlin's car, told Brad how cute I thought Greg was. Greg said he need to talk to me. We talked for a good while in his car and then made out hahahaha. Caitlin and Keo followed suit. Drove to a park by Brad's house and continued on. I have a crush, fuck. Plus he lives in slidell, fuck fuck.

Okay this can't be good...

The night ended with departing for the others and getting in caitlin's car with Brad, Allie, caitlin, and dylan. Everyone was sleeping except for me, brad, and caitlin so we decided to stop at waffle house. Chocolate chip pancakes! Ate, crashed in the waffle house parking lot in caitlin's car till 8AM, which is when we dropped off Brad.

Insanity in persuit.

I'm a new soul.

Hello February!
I held a press confrence in my head today, the outcome was flat out blasphemy. I was the only person in attendance of course. I was hoping for a bigger turnout, guess people were busy being in the Mardi Gras spirit, I wouldn't know my whole life is working. (And not working for the weekend either). I wish rue 21 would blow up, maybe, sortof, with no one in it of course.. maybe? This juno soundtrack is the perfect collection of songs to either A. Fall in love to B. Cut your wrists to C. Interperative dance to D. All of the above.

I haven't attended a single parada, FYI.

I'm a rare bird, but wait till you see me fly.

goodnight and goodluck I say to you..

"Two rules in life, number one don't sweat the small stuff. Number two, everything is small stuff."

This biography about Charles Shutlz's life is really captivating, I wish I realized his inspiring legacy while he was still alive. That goes for just about everything now doesn't it.

Disposition, displacement, not taking sides.

"You're a fake and a phony and I wish I'd never laid eyes on you"

I'm not one to be honest but..

I've grown quite fond of the role of 16 year old loner, girl from a small town in Louisiana. My weekends consist of mostly working to support my love for fashion and my love for food. I guess you could say that I chose this lifestyle, because generally speaking I have. It's come equipped with it's fair share of up's and downs but the road has been all in all a smooth one. My love life has suffered a bit, due in part that you won't see me out and about shmoozing my way through this grand state I live in. I'm an awkward young thing. I live through independent movies and foreign language flicks. TV shows have become a sort of "Farenheit 451" homage to me, my family's if you will. It's sad from an onlookers perspective, but it's also instilled an overwhelming bond with my real life family and a pride in my independence as a woman. I always think of myself as a 65 year old in a 16 year olds body. I'm by no means your typical teenager, I'd rather stay home and watch movies than go on dates or hang out with masses of people. In all actuality large crowds make me insecure and my awkwardity comes out full force. I do believe in a way by homebody ways shield me from diving into the real world head on. I have missed out on countless oppritunitys because I simply hate living life to it's fullest. That is mostly why I love and respect Andy Warhol so dearly. I think in an obscene and wierd way I am him reincarnated, with out the least bit of artistic ability might I add. There's a quote by him that explains me to a tee, it goes: "I'm the type who'd be happy not going anywhere as long as I was sure I knew exactly what was happening at the places I wasn't going to. I'm the type who'd like to sit home and watch every party that I'm invited to on a monitor in my bedroom."

Ellen Page was once again shut out at the SAG awards this evening, as was marion coilltiard, fuck you hollywood.

Dangerous summer, put it nicely

So where the hell’s my hope, and why can’t I just try? You know I’ve lost a lot, but I won’t let this die. I know I’ve got a friend up in the atmosphere, and another reason not to fear the sky.

Breakfast at Maddy's?

No but really, I bought Breakfast at Tiffany's on dvd today from target, it was quite a steal for only $6.50. I've been insanely oblivious as to what all the fuss has been about for far too long. I'll watch it as soon as I am able to call dibs on the big screen in the living room. I also bought a "Frankie says relax, don't do it" shirt, finally! Hmm lets see what else? A red Erin Featherson jumper and flowery printed flats. Ate at eggroll house and got my shrimp fried rice on. I have an outline to attend to, see ya!

Musically inclined?

Currently into a lot of: Metrostation, The honorary title, Brighten, Cobrastarship, Moldy peaches, I was a cub scout, You me and everyone we know, Just surrender, Forever the sickest kids, Cute is what we aim for, The sounds, Minus the bear, The dangerous summer, The higher, Pela, The maine, 1997, The format, Ingrid Michaelson, Stevie Wonder.

You know we're movin' along..

Hands of time.

It takes a big person to keep their word. I know that person is inside of you but why is she so fucking limited. I have a lot to be grateful for, but I am so grateful that I have a mind of my own and an independence that has yet to be questioned. It's really not that hard to be a good friend.. I'm here for you despite everything, despite all the shit I endure.

Baby, I'm a blur.

I'm refreshed, renewed, all that other rubbish.
New say anything record caught me off guard, I actually am quite drawn to it.

Poppin champagne?

I welcomed 08' with open arms and a bottle of champagne.
About to go see PS I love you, because I could use some sappy love shit in my life every once in a while.
See ya.